Spell BORING.. :-/

05/10/14

Spending my weekend with my cousins at one of my cousin's flat. Left work early yesterday and we'll be back home tomorrow. It's actually my father's birthday today but decided to spend his day with my cousins. It's not that I'm hating my decision to come here, it's just boring! My femalw cousin who owns the flat is with sime friend in another part of the city. She promised to be back after lunch. I'm stuck here with my other cousin. It's already lunch time but he's still on his bed. Put the radio on just to fill in the silence. The place smells smoke because they smoke. I don't. And it is annoying 'cause I hate smoking and I have no choice. Her bed smells cigarette. 

I am not really enjoying here. And to think that I LIED to my parents to be here! Told them that I was going out of town with some friends to go swimming. Not! Gosh, this weekend is not going well for me. I want to head back home. :-(

A.I.D.S. (Acute Income Deficiency Syndrome)

I need money. Not to spend on things I want. I need money to sustain my family.

You see, I'm a 28 year old, single woman. No boyfriend. No cat or dog. But  it's like I have a family of my own. No kids but parents. I'm living with my parents. I have to. Not because I don't have a back bone, but because no one will take care of them; physically, emotionally, financially. 

I have a sister, you might ask if I have siblings. She's older than I am, 3 years. But she's married now. And have a 1 year old son. My sister used to be our breadwinner, but since she got married, and since I'm the only child left, it was passed down to me.

I'm not complaining, don't get me wrong. Every person who knew or I talked about my situation says ut was noble of me. That God will bless me more. I believe it and praying that He will do just that because honestly, my paycheck is not enough. I even asked my sister if she could help us (or me) regarding this money matter.

My job actually pays me well, that is, if I'm a single person with no responsibilities, no worries. Heck, I could definitely save money. But it's not the case. Got to pay bills (electricity, water, internet), provide budget for the food, gas for cooking, medicines for my parents, etc. *sigh*

I wish there's another way to earn. I'm bad at sales talking. A lot of people are encouraging me to join their "marketing" thing. No can do.

I'm planning to put up a clinic with my friend. Hopefully, that will come true. But I also want to go and work abroad. I don't know. I'm really praying that He got a great plan for me.

Lolo Jaime

(7:16 pm) There is this photo album, blue photo album. I know what photos are inside that album: my Grandfather's funeral. Pictures taken from the last night of his wake until his final destination, at the cementery. I was ignoring that album, fighting not to look at it again, for the whole day, until now.

After doing my chores, I decided to take a look at it again. And then, as I saw his picture, I realized something: I STILL misss him. Tears welled up, can't help it. I remember all the memories all I had of him; from riding me to school and picking me up after class, preparing meals for me, making chocolate drink for me in the morning, buying taho for me so when I wake up in tje morning, there's a glass of taho in the middle of our dining table for me. 😊I also remember the way he laughs. He is a serious person, maybe because he is a veteran, so when he laugh, I knew that he really found it funny.  He taught me how to achieve really shiny black leather shoes. Military secret I guess... And then, there are times I regret so many things. I regret that I never told him how much I love him. I hope he knows. God, I hope. I can only hope. I regret also not spending time with him more especially those times when he was sick. College got most of my time. I now know that that's not a good reason. Should've been there for him. 😢

But those are too late now. He's gone for almost 7 years now. But I will never ever forget him. He will always be with me, in my heart.

So, Lolo, wherever you are, I miss you so much! And I love you very, very much! Thank you for raising me and my sister. It wasn't your responsibility, but you still did. You have and always have my utmost respect and love. I will make you proud. Always.